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[Dr. HarPlonkaDonk]

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[Herman Hum]

Dear Dr. HarPlonkaDonk,

I am always very confused during this time of year. I go into one department store and see Santa, but when I walk into another store, I see that Santa is already there. How does this happen? How can he get from one store to another so quickly?

I have the same problem when I read threads in the various Harpoon fora. I go to one site and find something posted and it seems very similar to something posted on another site.

Sometimes, the same thing seems to be posted more than once on the same site. I have great problems trying to follow the same discussion over different threads and different sites. I whine and complain to all the site admins and order them to delete and join threads together, but they just ignore me. I suspect that they are laughing hysterically at me. Am I truly a Flake? Am I really totally irrelevant? Please help me.

Confused by multiple visions of Santa Claus

[Dr. HarPlonkaDonk]

Dear Confused,

I understand your confusion about the speedy performance of Santa Claus in local shops of your hometown.
There is, however, a clear explanation for this phenomenon:

Santa Claus is in fact not 1 person, but there are 2 persons.
They are in fact monozygotic twin brothers….. Santa [born first] and Claus [born secondly after a complicated delivery].
Although the differences are minimal, there is 1 crucial worth knowing thing……
Claus hates reindeers! During his adolescent years, he was kicked by one of the reindeers and the print on the right part of his altogether is clearly disfigured. There are rumours that Claus had some naughty ideas in mind with the reindeer in question.
My collegians conclude that this is the result of the very complicated child delivery in the past.

Claus is among with the public and Santa takes care of the sleigh. Before Claus goes to the next shop, he always likes to drink something. In the meantime, Santa uses that time to visit the next shop. A helping hand takes care about the very fearful reindeers [especially one is always very upset when he smells Claus in the neighbourhood], while Claus drives with a cab to the next shop.

You appear to be suffering from a common internet malady known as “Atypical Self-appointed Superiority” syndrome (or A.S.S). It usually afflicts admins from certain sites who think that they represent members of their site or the community as a whole. Unfortunately, this is not the case at all. Instead, persons suffering from A.S.S. typically whine on every public forum to have their own way, but, thankfully, are totally ignored by forum administrators. The only cure for this disorder is to wait until the diseased member grows up and realizes that he is nothing more than one person in the greater community. Most victims of this disease get over it and manage to have a healthy life, but some are “forced” to suffer from A.S.S. for their entire lives through their own choice.

About your question of posted messages the following:
I am not sure about this. I think it is better that we have some more talks about your fear that you are totally irrelevant.
Please make an appointment with the receptionist for, let’s say, 2 weeks from now.