Ask Dr. Harplonkadonk!

[Dr. HarPlonkaDonk]

ARE YOU SUNKEN?

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Dr. HarPlonkaDonk cares.

You can’t win a scenario? Dr. HarPlonkaDonk makes you a Winner!
You can’t write a decent Topic, Dr. HarPlonkaDonk has the solution!
You are always banned from fora? Dr. HarPlonkaDonk makes you popular!



Trust me!

[Herman Hum]

Dear Dr. HarPlonkaDonk,

I am always very confused during this time of year. I go into one department store and see Santa, but when I walk into another store, I see that Santa is already there. How does this happen? How can he get from one store to another so quickly?

I have the same problem when I read threads in the various Harpoon fora. I go to one site and find something posted and it seems very similar to something posted on another site.

Sometimes, the same thing seems to be posted more than once on the same site. I have great problems trying to follow the same discussion over different threads and different sites. I whine and complain to all the site admins and order them to delete and join threads together, but they just ignore me. I suspect that they are laughing hysterically at me. Am I truly a Flake? Am I really totally irrelevant? Please help me.

Confused by multiple visions of Santa Claus

[Dr. HarPlonkaDonk]

Dear Confused,

I understand your confusion about the speedy performance of Santa Claus in local shops of your hometown.
There is, however, a clear explanation for this phenomenon:

Santa Claus is in fact not 1 person, but there are 2 persons.
They are in fact monozygotic twin brothers….. Santa [born first] and Claus [born secondly after a complicated delivery].
Although the differences are minimal, there is 1 crucial worth knowing thing……
Claus hates reindeers! During his adolescent years, he was kicked by one of the reindeers and the print on the right part of his altogether is clearly disfigured. There are rumours that Claus had some naughty ideas in mind with the reindeer in question.
My collegians conclude that this is the result of the very complicated child delivery in the past.

Claus is among with the public and Santa takes care of the sleigh. Before Claus goes to the next shop, he always likes to drink something. In the meantime, Santa uses that time to visit the next shop. A helping hand takes care about the very fearful reindeers [especially one is always very upset when he smells Claus in the neighbourhood], while Claus drives with a cab to the next shop.

You appear to be suffering from a common internet malady known as “Atypical Self-appointed Superiority” syndrome (or A.S.S). It usually afflicts admins from certain sites who think that they represent members of their site or the community as a whole. Unfortunately, this is not the case at all. Instead, persons suffering from A.S.S. typically whine on every public forum to have their own way, but, thankfully, are totally ignored by forum administrators. The only cure for this disorder is to wait until the diseased member grows up and realizes that he is nothing more than one person in the greater community. Most victims of this disease get over it and manage to have a healthy life, but some are “forced” to suffer from A.S.S. for their entire lives through their own choice.

About your question of posted messages the following:
I am not sure about this. I think it is better that we have some more talks about your fear that you are totally irrelevant.
Please make an appointment with the receptionist for, let’s say, 2 weeks from now.

[Wolff]

Dear Dr. HarPlonkaDonk,

I tend to have some really screwy aircrews flying my jamming planes(EA-6 Prowlers, etc.). I order them to fly to some area to go on station while they've got their music on, see? Well, when they get there, they turn off their music revealing my strike package of bombers and escorts and I don't realize it until the Russian commander sends me a text or IM telling me he sees everything now!

Are they just a bunch a rooks? Drunk? P.O.'d at the Lead of the strike package and showing the enemy right where they are so they can light them up?

Oh, it's either that, or they go bingo on fuel just as the strike package begins their bomb run.

How can I remedy this situation?

Signed,
Perplexed CAG

[Dr. HarPlonkaDonk]

Dear Dr. HarPlonkaDonk,

I tend to have some really screwy aircrews flying my jamming planes(EA-6 Prowlers, etc.). I order them to fly to some area to go on station while they've got their music on, see? Well, when they get there, they turn off their music revealing my strike package of bombers and escorts and I don't realize it until the Russian commander sends me a text or IM telling me he sees everything now!

Are they just a bunch a rooks? Drunk? P.O.'d at the Lead of the strike package and showing the enemy right where they are so they can light them up?

Overheard in the Prowler ready room:

They called us Queers? Well, we'll see about that the next time they go downtown.

Oh, it's either that, or they go bingo on fuel just as the strike package begins their bomb run.

How can I remedy this situation?

The next time you pull up to the fuel handlers [a.k.a. Grapes], make sure you leave a nice tip.

[waravva]

Hello! Faced with the following problems: after purchase Harpoon Ultimate Ed. at Matrix has established a fully all versions ... But, firstly, in the root folder Harpoon 3 v3.6.3 found no H3louncher.exe (now do not know how to install Compleet Library for H3-how then run it all?) ... In the second is to try to update H3 v3.6.3 results in an error (but generally speaking it's not as scary as the first problem ... Thanks in advance for your reply! And sorry for bad english!

[Herman Hum]

Welcome aboard, shipmate.

You cannot update H3 v3.6.3 because that is the final version. Therefore, do not worry about the error message. No update exists for v3.6.3 version.

You can find a H3Louncher.exe for the H3 v3.6.3 here:
http://www.subsim.com/radioroom/downloa ... le&id=1628

A forum membership is required, but it is free.

Harpoon3.6.3 users can get the Complete PlayersDB H3.6 Library at:
http://tinyurl.com/85xuygo

Here are video instructions for installation of the PlayersDB:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Irdb2aLf_qM

[waravva]

Welcome aboard, shipmate.

You cannot update H3 v3.6.3 because that is the final version. Therefore, do not worry about the error message. No update exists for v3.6.3 version.

You can find a H3Louncher.exe for the H3 v3.6.3 here:
http://www.subsim.com/radioroom/downloa ... le&id=1628

A forum membership is required, but it is free.

Harpoon3.6.3 users can get the Complete PlayersDB H3.6 Library at:
http://tinyurl.com/85xuygo

Here are video instructions for installation of the PlayersDB:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Irdb2aLf_qM

The dear doctor. Thank you for your last answer and help! I have one more request, where can I find a database editor for Harpoon 3? I mean Reimer Database Editor?

[Herman Hum]

An In-Game Editor has been provided for the HUE version of the game, but it is not compatible with either the H3 or ANW game versions. A PM has been sent to you.